The stakes have never been higher, the drama never so intense, and the pain is as stinging as we have ever seen on Once Upon a Time. When I hoped for a epic season that focused on Emma, especially her romantic relationship, I never dreamed it would turn out this spectacularly. This season has surpassed my wildest dreams, and even though “Broken Heart” was a devastating episode, I still feel nothing bit hope amidst the darkness. I touched on many things in my review for The Nerd Machine so this addition of Further Thoughts will be focused on some little moments, parallels, some speculation, and a reminder of what makes this show and these characters so special

Moments of Truth:

I spoke a great deal about this in my review, but it bears reiterating how powerful Emma and Killian’s moments in Camelot were in this episode. They discussed things we have wanted them to talk about for so long, and laid out emotional truths about their characters and their relationship. When Killian says there has never been a moment where he did not believe in her, or trust her, you see so clearly on her face, she knows the depth of this truth. Emma has always had trouble expressing herself in words, but her expression says it all. She knows how much he believes in her. It is why he is so deeply hurt that she is was not showing him the same belief and trust.

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This is why the following scene is even more poignant. She does believe in him and does trust him. That is why she gives him the sword. But it was the pain they have both experienced that really affected me, including some between the two of them. Killian loves Emma more than anything so it is why he has always been so patient with her. He would wait until the ends of time for her. But being willingly patient does not mean it will not hurt. The way Emma pushed him away in Season 3 must have pained him a great deal, and the trauma he went through in season 4 when Rumplestilskin controlled and nearly killed both himself and Emma also left a scar. We assumed they had discussed some of these things off screen, but perhaps not. So seeing these two discuss how much they have gone through with such honesty was a breath of fresh air. He understands why she puts up walls, and she knows he understands that implicitly. He has walls just as high as hers. But he is right. That does not make it fair. Despite the darkness, anger and frustration Emma and Killian needed this. Being honest about how you feel helps the soul heal and can only make your relationship stronger. Hearing them both recognize that Killian has never abandoned her is so imperative. Emma has never had someone who has never failed her, and even though things seem bleak at the moment, I do not expect that to ever change. And Emma will not abandon him either!

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Moments of Vulnerability:

When Emma was able to quiet the darkness within Killian the same way he had been able to do so, I was moved to tears, most especially because she was able to do rather quickly. All it took was her looking into his eyes and reminding him that they can have that future together in Storybrooke in that white picket fence house. He just has to want it as she does. When he says he does “More than anything” you can hear how deeply he means these words. His heart is exposed, the anger vanishes, and darkness disappears. These are the kind of moments that make the show so stunning.

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The moment Killian cradles Killian face, kisses him, and then rests her head against his cheek will stay with me forever. It s such an exquisitely vulnerable moment and one that exemplifies how deeply she loves him and knows that he loves her. She often expresses her affections through touch rather than words, but here is a beautiful instant where her love is expressed through both. Have we ever seen Emma this vulnerable before? She is in tremendous pain but is not holding back sobs. Instead she is holding the man she loves, with hope and a promise that when he awakens he will be the man he truly is. It may take time, but their future can be saved. Sealed with a kiss, Emma is making a vow to save him and it is profoundly moving.

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As the curse envelops them and Emma cradles Killian, we were reminded of the moment from the Pilot when Snow held onto Charming as the curse surrounds them. This may be one of the loveliest Captain Swan/Snowing parallels ever. Emma was not always a hopeful person. She lived a life of disappointment and betrayals. So to see her in the same position as her mother, the person who is the epitome of hope, is very touching. The circumstances may be different, but they are both fearful but full of hope. Snow knew their memories would be gone, but still believed happiness could be restored because she believed in her daughter. Emma knows that that both she and Killian will have the darkness inside of them, and that it will not be an easy road to gain anyone’s trust or understanding. But in both cases Emma is meant to be the hero. Only this time she has the choice. It is not a destiny assigned to her, but one she takes on because she believes in the power of their love. She can be his savior. If that is not poetically beautiful, I don’t know what is.

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The Cutest Dark Ones Ever!

In one of the episode’s happiest moments, Emma and Killian kiss and smile before separating. Of course things go badly after this, but in this brief scene Emma and Killian are just about the cutest Dark Ones to ever exist. They may both be dressed head to toe in black leather, but they are also, to speak in internet terms, precious cinnamon rolls. And who did not love Killian’s little moan as they kissed? This was, in my mind, a little sneak preview to the long awaited CS coffee time.

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The Field of Middle Mist Flowers:

This glorious field of pink blossoms will forever hold a special place in Emma and Killian’s story. With each poignant scene encompassing the power of true love, there were two things in particular that struck me. One, each time there appears to me more flowers than there were the previous time. Is this meant to have a deeper meaning than simply being aesthetically beautiful? Perhaps it a visual clue that their feelings are continuing to blossom into a field of endless love. The other interesting aspect of these three different scenes is that they each occur at different, successive time of day. The first one was early morning with the sun rising behind them, demonstrating that a new dawn is upon them filled with hope. The second appears to be in late afternoon just before dusk signifying that darkness is approaching, which is ever significant because Emma saves Killian by turning him into a Dark One. The last scene, takes place in the deepest of night. The sky is black, and they are both inflicted with darkness, but the endless seas of flowers surrounding them still emanates their bright pink beauty symbolizing that despite the darkness, hope remains.

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“I Love You–I Love You, Too”:

It does not matter what Dark Hook says about playing her, this first time Emma and Killian exchange” I love you, I love you too,” was genuine. There can never be a time where Killian telling Emma he loves her is not imbedded with honest and sincerity. For that reason, and the way he pulls her towards him for a passionate kiss, I have nothing but deep affection for this scene. And as my friend Mimi (@ShimmeringCrown) pointed out, it appears as if he lifts her up as they are kissing because she is suddenly almost as tall as him. More kisses like this in the future would be most welcome.

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What love stories are made of:

As I said in my review, “One of the things that is so special about their dynamic is that they demonstrate so much raw emotion and intensity, showcasing deep and real complexities.” (X) All couples fight. All go through struggles. That is what real relationships are like. But I was a little surprised how some were so taken aback by their interactions when this is what so many love stories are made of. Were their scenes harsh and difficult to watch? Yes of course. Be we know not only deep down they love each other more than anything, but that they both have the greatest evil inside of them. Honesty, fights, moments of hope lost, threats and cruel words are seen in some of the greatest love stories of all time.

Although the ending of Casablanca does not have the happy one Emma and Killian will surely have (it is too different of circumstances) we know that Rick and Ilsa’s love is true. But they have very dark moments. He is angry and heartbroken and does not want to forgive her. She even pulls a gun on him! But no one can deny they still love each other.

In Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth and Darcy say very hurtful things to each other. He insults her family, considers her station in life beneath him, she calls him hateful and arrogant and the kind of man she could never marry. But they overcome these prejudices against each other and clearly forgive each other through falling in love, seeing who they truly are. Are you sensing a pattern here? Words said in anger and misunderstanding can be forgiven.

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Lastly, Allie and Noah in The Notebook fight each other constantly. There have so much fire that it either comes out in intense passion or intense anger. She pushes and hits him, he wants to wait and see and anticipates breaking up, and in one of the film’s most real moments he lays out a real truth about them and the complexities of love. She will tell him when he is being a “son of a bitch” and he will tell her when “she is being a pain in the ass, which is 99% of the time!” But he wants to be with her, forever. That is what love is all about. You struggle and fight but when you love each other you work for it despite it being difficult.

Allie and Noah’s love is deep and true just like Emma and Killian’s. And after all this of the Hell they will have to endure, I want Emma and Killian to die in each other’s arms, just like Allie and Noah did, having lived a long and beautiful life together. But without the memory loss because I think Once has had their fill of this.

Endless Wedding Foreshadowing:

As my fellow, wonderful Oncer @G8rMom7 pointed out to me, Merida’s line of taking an arrow to the knee is an allusion to getting married. Upon further research apparently it refers to when we propose falling to one knee. Furthermore, in the beginning of the Middlemist scene with Emma walking alone, there is definitely a wedding look about it. Not only is she walking down an aisle, (and why is there suddenly one there?), but she is walking in a slow deliberate pace like that of a bride. If there is not a wedding at the end of Season 5, I will be very much shocked!

Hands Entwined:

Dark Ones or not they still continue to place an emphasis on their hands entwined and that is a beautiful thing to me. Killian may have already embraced the darkness when they walk back towards Granny’s but he still holds hands with her. And in the moment he really needed it she holds out her hand to him. It is a sign of trust and fidelity as it always has been. Something tells me the finale may reiterate this unbreakable bond.

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Killian vs. Rumplestiltskin:

I realized a very intriguing, and perhaps very telling difference between Killian and Rumple as Dark Ones on their two paralleling scenes on the Jolly Roger. As the Dark One, Rumple maims Killian, cutting off his hand. On the other hand, as the Dark One, Killian heals Rumple, restoring his leg back to normal so he no longer has a limp. It’s interesting how both of these afflictions were caused by Rumple as well, but Killian chooses to heal rather than hurt in this instance.

Team Plan vs. Team Flip:

I have been entertained and intrigued by the debate amongst Oncers on Twitter and tumblr these past few days. The debate is simple: is Killian playing the darkness and simply engaging in a plan to fool everyone and in turn save Emma, or has he truly succumb to the darkness and his behavior is all as it seems, leaving the opportunity for him to overcome the darkness in the end? Honestly, I am 50/50 on this debate and can it see it playing it out either way. Both have the potential to be moving and epic and both can make sense narratively. Although I will admit I do think him having a plan is a bit more believable to his character, it truly can go either way at this point. Both scenarios however will leave me equally moved as they are both heart wrenching. If Killian has a plan, he is playing the darkness and everyone superbly. His words are pushing Emma to no longer work on her own but seek out help from her family, and convince her that he is so far gone, she has no choice but destroy him. If you think of this scenario it is absolutely heartbreaking but sounds like something Killian Jones would do for Emma Swan. He knows that if she thinks he can be saved she will never let him go. She proved that by tethering him to Excalibur. But if she believes the true Killian is indeed gone, she will be able to kill him and destroy the darkness once and for all. Then he can die happy knowing she will have a future free from the darkness. That is all that he wanted for her. If Killian is indeed doing this, think about how difficult it must be. He has to do unspeakable dark things and hurt the woman he loves. But if anyone is willing to do what it takes to ensure her happiness it would be Killian. On the opposite end, if he is not playing everyone and truly is exactly as dark as he seems, this can also playing out in a heart wrenching and poignant way. We know how possible it is to have him succumb to the darkness. He has done so before and believes he is not strong enough to fight it. But Killian is stronger than he thinks. And if indeed he is dark and no longer his truest self, there will no doubt come a moment where he will snap out of it to save Emma. This would be very powerful and showcase how strong and heroic he can be, to be able to break free from the control of the greatest evil of all time, solidifying Killian Jones as a true hero. Either way, I will surely be an emotional mess and be crying buckets of tears.

Killian’s heroics & good deeds:

Speaking of Killian displaying true heroics, I was a little disheartened that David questioned Emma’s faith in Killian especially when he has seen so much of what he has done. No one is denying his bad deeds from his past, but since starting on that path of good he has done a great deal to save or help Emma, Henry and or members of the Charming family and others important to them and I wanted to list them all:

– Risked his life by taunting the giant atop the beanstalk so Emma she throw the sleeping powder on to him.

– He may have taken it in the first place, but he saved Aurora’s heart from falling into the portal, losing his advantage in the sword fight with Emma.

– Although he stole the bean that allowed Greg and Tamara to kidnap Henry, he came back, and on his own. Although he had Emma’s words in his head, he still made that choice to turn his ship around without anyone showing any kind of belief in him.

– Once he found out what happened to Henry he immediately offered his ship and his services to help rescue him.

– He gave Emma Neal’s cutlass as a sign of kindness and to give her the weapon she would need in Neverland.

– Guided and fought alongside the Nevengers through Neverland and offered knowledge they did not have, including Tinkerbell. Don’t forget, without her Pan’s shadow would not have been destroyed in Storybrooke.

– Led them all to Neal’s cave where they found the coconut shell that would eventually be used to trap Pan’s shadow.

– Saved David’s life by leading him to the cure for dreamshade, told him exactly the price, and respected David’s wishes and did not say anything about it.

– Told Snow and David immediately that Pan paid him a visit and that Neal was still alive.

– Revealed a difficult, heartfelt secret he may not have otherwise, but did so to help save Neal, all while believing Emma still loved and may have wanted to be with him.

– Upon receiving a message, he traded his ship for a magic bean in order to find Emma in New York.

– Did not give up on helping her even after she threw him in jail.

– Continued to work alongside the heroes in Stoybrooke to fight the Wicked Witch.

– Took Henry to safety away from Zelena and told him about his father to ease his sorrow.

– Followed Emma through Zelena’s time portal so she would not be alone.

– Helped correct the mistake and make sure Snow and Charming would fall in love as they were meant to.

– Helped David as they tried to rescue Emma from the ice cave, Taking Bo Peep’s staff, which gave Elsa hope that Anna was still alive.

– Helped Elsa with her desire to find out more about the Snow Queen.

– Did everything in his power to stop Rumplestiltskin from killing Emma, confessing his mistakes on her voicemail no matter the consequences, and vowing that he would die fighting to save her.

– Asks Rumple for one dying wish: to leave Emma and the rest of Storybrooke be and not harm them.

– Showed Belle compassion and understanding when they thought Rumple was gone forever.

– Helped restore Ursula’s happy ending, gaining knowledge of Rumple’s true intentions towards Emma.

– Helped Emma forgive her parents for lying to her.

– In the AU, helped Henry rescue Emma from the tower, fighting a dragon even though he was terrified.

– In the AU, sacrificed himself so Emma and Henry could escape.

– Told Snow not to control Emma with the dagger, and helped stop Emma from crushing Merida’s heart.

– Helped Emma quiet the darkness inside her.

– Gave Emma his brother Liam’s ring, which he believed could be the reason he is alive, to keep her safe.

– Saved Snow and everyone else’s life by taking down Arthur and getting Excalibur back, mortally wounding himself in the process.

I think Killian has proven to be a hero and a good man, many, many times. He may be facing his biggest struggle yet, but I have faith in him. The finale is only one day away and I eagerly anticipate seeing love finally destroy the darkness!

Home, the Future, and Operation Light Swan:

Ever since the series began the concept of “Home” has been ingrained into Emma Swan’s journey, and through her many relationships we have witnessed her seek this abstraction, whether it be a feeling or a physical place. While her parents are definitely a part of this, it has been her two true loves, Henry and Killian, who have been a part of this journey in the most profound way. Perhaps that is why it is so unbelievably touching to learn that Henry and Killian developed their own mission together, “Operation Light Swan,” which involves finding a home in Storybrooke that is a promise for a happy future together. Henry only creates missions about people and things he truly cares about. They are about finding a happy ending for whoever the mission is centered around. So it is so sweet that he is at a place where he recognizes Killian and Emma as not only happy and together, but as a future that should be fought for. I can picture Killian coming to Henry asking what the term “white picket fence life” actually meant and the pirate finally finding the perfect home – an idyllic Victorian house with room for a growing family. Before, when I thought that Emma had chosen the house yourself, I found it sad because it was the type of house a child with no home would dream about living in. But now knowing that Killian chose it, this house is even more beautiful because it represents what she always dreamed about and now can have. I have no doubt that Killian wants to marry Emma, but she doesn’t need a ring (even though he did give her his brother’s) she needs something that represents safety, warmth, and stability. As the lovely ladies at MG circles pointed out in their review (go read it now) the house is his way of promising Emma forever. This heartfelt act came as a touching surprise but when examining how much home and the future have been a part of their story, it feels so natural. Let us explore how often home and the future have been a part of their story:
– 2×6 Tallahassee: “Let’s find the compass and go home.”

In their very first adventure together, Emma and Killian are searching for a magical compass that will be able to guide them back to Storybrooke. After Killian takes the opportunity to flirt, Emma says “let’s find the compass and go home.” It’s interesting dialogue to say the least seeing that Storybrooke may be Emma’s home but it is not Killian’s. So why say let’s go home? It was a lovely way of foreshadowing that their search for something that can lead you to where you want to go, led them to each other and the home they would eventually share.

– 3×5 Good Form: “It’s what I did every time I went to a new foot foster home. Counting the days until counting seem pointless.” — “I do know what it feels like to lose hope.”

Despite Emma deflecting Killian’s attempt to bond with her, this was very important. He heard more about her childhood in countless foster homes – that hopeless existence that he could relate to. She never had a proper home so you know that stayed with him.

– 3×12 New York City Serenade:

After giving up his home (although we did not know what at the time) Killian was able to convince Emma her life was false and brought her home to Storybrooke. Moreover, when she and Henry discuss Walsh’s proposal Henry says “He wants us to be his home “and it was so clearly alluding to have Killian felt about them.

3×20 Kansas: “Why you so scared of staying? I think it’s because you can see a future here. A happy one.”– “Let me guess, with you?”

This conversation was so significant and provides a lovely parallel to 5×8 “Birth. Emma was clearly scared of staying because she could see a happy future there with her family and with Killian. As per usual, Emma has trouble expressing her feelings until she is in an extreme situation. In this case, Killian nearly drowned and she whispers “come back to me” showing that she does indeed cherish him. Not only was Storybrooke becoming her home, but this man was.

– 3×21 Snow Drifts vs. 5×8 Birth: “You keep running. What are you looking for? “–“Home.”
“Then what are you a part of Swan?”–“The future is nothing be afraid of.”

This scene holds as special place in their relationship as Emma truly opens up to Killian about her search for home- that it a feeling of missing this place as soon as you leave. In the end it was about the people more so than the physical location.  As he sits down beside her you see a parallel to 5X8  when Killian asks “And what are you afraid of?” Both times this happened after her family couldn’t get through to her she shut down but then opens up to Killian. And in this case, it was the future. She has found her home and the place and man she wants a future with but is frightened because everything a time was promised to her it turned out to be false. Not only that, she has found the man who has made her happier than she ever dreamed of. It is no wonder is afraid. But he tells her “The future is nothing to be afraid of and the sweetly kiss, igniting the Promethean flame. This would only be lit when she was truly ready to be rid of the darkness, so this means she is ready for her future with Killian.

– 3×22 There’s No Place Like Home:

Emma accepting Storybrooke as her home was such a beautiful and profound moment in Emma’s journey and so much of what Emma attested to Henry was also exactly what Killian did for Emma. In both Season 1 and Season 3, Henry and Killian did not bring her up back to Storybrooke to break the curse; they were bringing her home. In this episode we also learn that Killian traded his ship for a magic bean, which meant that he traded his home in order to bring her back to hers. This was because Emma’s happiness meant more to him. He loves her and true love means more than a few planks of wood and a sail.

– 4×4 The Apprentice: “I really need my own place”

After their first date, Emma may have playfully joked that she needed her own place – no doubt so they can enjoy post day activities alone. It was a light moment but set the stage for Killian’s future plans. Emma loves her family but it’s time for her to think of her own future and that includes a home of her own, and in this case the home of their own because the future includes the two of them together.

– 5×4 The Broken Kingdom: “You really think we can get back to Storybrooke and some white picket fence life?”

Season 5 has firmly established that Emma and Killian are together, forever, and want a future and it was so touching to hear them speak of this for the first time.

– 5×7 Nimue “Bring her home to me.”

This line was so beautiful as it not only demonstrated that he realizes that Emma is not the darkness, but that he wants her to return home to him. Here, home is not a physical place but a feeling. They are each other’s home no matter where they are. He wants her to come back to him.

– 5×8 Birth:

Imagining a scene like the one that transpired in “Birth” I pictured one very much like the one we witnessed. I have always felt like the lyrics to the Beauty and the Beast Broadway song “Home” at the end of the play related to Captain Swan and this moment in “Birth” was undeniably reminiscent of these lyrics:

“We are home. We are where we shall be forever.

Trust in me, for you know I won’t run away.

From today, this is all that I need, and all that I need to say.

Don’t you know how you’ve changed me. Strange how I finally see.

I found home.

You’re my home.

Stay with me.”

Emma and Killian have not only found home within each other, but now in a physical place they can lay their heads down at night, and build a future in with Henry and possibly more children. Although Killian is no doubt happy to have the Jolly Roger back, he gave up the ship once before and for certain would do it again in a heartbeat. That ship may have been his home for hundreds of years but no longer is and him choosing a home for him and Emma represents his love and unfailing commitment to her. His ship is good for dates and sailing trips, but a ship also represents a rootless existence- the kind Emma always had, never staying in one place for too long. But this house, their home, represents forever. It is the place they can grow old together in and live their own happily ever after. 

Killian’s first “I love you”:

I have been hoping to hear Killian utter these three beautiful words in Season 5, so much so that I put it on my Season 5 Wish List. And lo and behold my wish came true one week later. And it came at a crucial and dramatic moment for their characters. We know that Killian loves Emma with all of his heart, but things have been tense between them in Storybrooke, and after everything she had done, probably thought she had lost him. Such was not the case and he tells so. Echoing his first confession in “The Jolly Roger” it was beautiful hearing him use her full name. “I love you, Emma Swan” was a perfect moment.

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Killian’s Rings:

The moment Killian revealed the origins of his rings was quite poignant and revealed so much about his character: His self-awareness and his journey to be a better man. One of the things that I love most about his character is that he doesn’t make excuses for the bad things he’s done in the past – he owns up to them and the fact that he remembers each person who wronged including their name and what they did, and more importantly what he did to them, is so important. He was a villain but he did not slaughter countless people never remembering who they were. He remembers his sins. He may have wore his rings as trophies, but when Emma gave him a reason to hope and believe in love again that all changed. It a such a moving lesson that all sins can be forgiven as long as you have someone who loves you. And I was touched beyond words that the one ring that wasn’t a symbol of a past wrong, but like the others a sad story, belonged to his brother Liam – a man he says was far better than him. He gave that ring to Emma to keep her safe and as a reminder that he loves her. It’s a ring we had not seen before and I would venture to say he kept it close to his heart so that a part of his brother was always near him. And in giving it to Emma, he was once again giving up one of his most treasured possessions just so she could be safe and happy – just as he gave up a ship for her. This moment was beautiful on its own but the one little bit of another piece of wedding foreshadowing made my heart skip a beat. Bonding over a ring and what it can symbolize – in this case that someone can love you no matter what and that all can be forgiven- Killian utters the words “I do.” Of course we also must mention that the moment Killian gave Emma Liam’s ring, a ring he believed may have kept him alive, he is mortally wounded. Killian would give his life for Emma, and he may have literally done so putting his life in her hands. Perhaps this ring is indeed very powerful.

The Beauty of Touch:

One of the loveliest aspects of Emma and Killian’s relationship is the sense of touch and affection between them and the way it’s blossomed as their love has grown deeper. This culminated with moving results in “Birth.” Moreover, many of these signs of affection have become constants in the way they show each other how they feel. Whether they are acting choices or scripted, these gestures shown by Jennifer Morrison and Collin O’Donoghue are beautiful consistencies for their characters. No one can deny you can feel how much they love each other in the way they kiss or look at each other, but the way they touch is just as meaningful. Early on in their story touch was rare, and therefore special; but now it’s special in a more profound way. As I have said, Emma and Killian’s is a story of hands and hearts entwined shown in many ways such as emphasis put on their hands held and placing of a hand over their hearts. These gestures are so common now, but no less special, and in this season we see Emma continue to touch Killian’s chest, a way to guard his heart as he has been trying to guard and protect hers as she has been struggling with the darkness. It’s her way of showing she is still her and that the give and take and equality between them has not faltered. As Killian lay dying in the field of Middlemist flowers and we see once again their hands held in reverence, it’s a reminder that their connection is unbreakable.

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But it was also poignant because Emma was pleading with him to stay – to hold on and not let go even though he told her that she must. But she is not going to let him go, ever. I had alluded to this quote before the season began and it seems even more apropos as the season has progressed.

Now that they are both cursed with the darkness it is the time to hold on more than ever. They both may falter, but through this darkness they can prevail if they reach for you each other and don’t let go, for they are each other’s light.

The way Emma always rests her head on Killian’s  shoulder, a symbolic gesture of support as well as one of love, has developed just as their love has. This has always been a way of Killian helping to shoulder her pain or fears, giving her strength in an unmistakable but silent way. The first time, Emma was sharing childhood memories with Killian that were painful, so he takes her hand and wraps his arm around her and she rests her head down on his shoulder. She closes her eyes and was no doubt feeling thankful and loved; with a few people Emma could depend on, and Emma being the only person able to make him feel like life was worth living again, they are leaning on each other.

The next time she leaned her head on his shoulder they are enjoying a happy stroll home having just promised to always see the best in each other. The repeated gesture matches the continuation of the mutual support and affection, only this time there is no pain but instead radiant smiles. It was a progression in both entities the gesture and feelings.

The next time she rests her head on his shoulder it is sweet and showed a sign of familiarity as if this is simply what she always does. After everything was set right in the alternate universe, Killian was alive, standing beside her in Granny’s telling her parents they don’t have to apologize for their actions. She was happy he was there and showed him such in the little way.

Now it is not only a sign of support but one up and wavering affection. How often do you nuzzle into the neck of the one that you love? It is one of those beautiful things that make each other feel safe and loved. This is what Emma does. And again this is a sign of progression in their relationship. And perhaps it makes touch even more special not in its rarity but in that it is commonplace. They know that no matter what they will be there for one another. In “Birth” we see a combination of this progression in a beautiful way. As they gain Excalibur and Emma “heals” his wound they are full of hope that they can finally be rid of the darkness and go home. She cuddles into his shoulder, smiling as he wraps his arms around her, and for the first time we see him lean his head down onto hers and close his eyes. They look hopeful, happy and deeply in love and we see in such a simple and sweet moment so much about their feelings. They both are truly happy, and they both have faith that their future together is on the horizon. And the fact that Killian reciprocates the gesture is so moving because we can see that not only does he love her but he feels loved to. We always speak of how crucial that is for Emma but it is just as monumental for Killian to have found someone who cherry cherishes him as much as he cherishes her, having lived centuries without anyone who genuinely cared for him. But now he is Emma, who cherishes him like no other.

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As I wrote in my Nerd Machine review, you can see how much Emma loves him in her agonizing tears and refusal to let him leave her, but also in the way she strokes his face. It is another one of those gestures that has become one of the things she simply does. Emma touches him this way to show him comfort and love, and this was amplified in these heartbreaking moments in “Birth” as she softly stroked his face. I have never seen Emma this way and it shows the brevity of her feelings for this man she loves with all of her heart.

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Lovely Parallels:

We must first mention the parallel between the scenes in the field of Middlemist flowers in “The Broken Kingdom” and “Birth.” Both episodes were written by David H. Goodman and Jerome Schwartz, with Stephen Jackson as the cinematographer. These two scenes are quite different in tone – one is filled with hope and light, while the other is tragic and heartbreaking. But both demonstrate the depth of their love for each other and the mirroring of the overhead visual demonstrates this, as well and simply being a way of giving their story a stunning aesthetic. This parallel is a thing of beauty and one that is deeply affecting.

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Captain Swan has also had so many parallels to Snow and Charming and in “Birth” there was a particularly touching one. In “Heart of Darkness” charming throws himself in front of an arrow so Snow would not kill Regina saying “I would rather die than let you fill your heart with darkness.” In “Birth” Killian expresses the same selfless sentiment willing to die so she can have a future without that darkness, knowing that saving him would be a final step into that. Both men love these women so much they are willing to lay down their lives to keep them in the light. There is no surer sign of true love. Beyond Emma and Killian paralleling Snow and Charming and so many other couples, they are unique unto themselves. But most beautiful is the ways they parallel each other. In “Birth” we saw so many parallels that are highlighted in this gif set here by captainswaan. These parallels have always been present and the number is in fact unparalleled. Kindred spirits since the beginning the connections between them keep going and as they have reached a truly epic proportion. Let us look at things that are rue for both of them:

– Abandoned as a child
– Had loved ones die in their arms by a heart crushed or the price of magic – Milah and Graham and Liam and Neal.
– Demonstrate similar affectations. These were seen in their first adventure together in “Tallahassee” demonstrating this connection from the start.
– Both claim to not be sentimental but hold onto important mementos
– They never forget their first loves but were able to move on from them
– Brought families back together- Emma with Hansel and Gretel and their father and Killian with Ursula and hers
– In their younger days had to fend for themselves so turned to thievery or piracy
– Have had moments of self-doubt and self worth
– Saved hearts- Emma saved Snow, and Killian Aurora’s and Merida’s
– In season 4 both of their hearts were on the line- threatened with darkness
– Are often scared to admit their feelings to each other but not so to others

And now they are paralleled in the most epic way possible, solidifying that they have an undeniable, unbreakable connection. The names engraved side-by-side on Excalibur, they are now both Dark Ones. It is such a beautifully poetic chapter in their story that I believe was always meant to be. In the very first episode of the series, Rumpelstiltskin told Snow and Charming that their only hope was their unborn child and that in 28 years the final battle would begin. Beyond the original curse the ultimate battle is to  defeat the ultimate darkness. In Killian’s very first episode we see his story with Rumpelstiltskin and how his quest to kill him began: “Even demons can’t be killed! I will find away!” It has been said how beautifully poetic it was that the woman he loves became what his life is been bound to for centuries. Now that he too is cursed by the same darkness it  has become even more poignant and poetic. Circumstances brought Emma and Killian together, but their love is what is most special as right now both have that darkness residing in them. Perhaps it was always their destiny to destroy the darkness together.

Killian’s Strength:

Beyond the beauty and sadness in the scene where Emma saves Killian, there was so much strength demonstrated by him even when he was denying such. I don’t think I will ever be over Killian bleeding, in  horrible pain, finding it hard to breathe, telling Emma it was alright and to simply reunite the blades. In what could have been his last moments, he was still only thinking of her, to show her comfort and belief. When he lay amongst all the middlemist flowers I was heartbroken to hear him call himself weak and doubting whether he could once again push away the darkness. It makes me think of the quote “always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think .” Killian is brave and he is strong, but feelings of doubt and unworthiness still plague him. He believes in Emma but still does not see himself as a true hero. It is this reason why the darkness is sure to overtake him. He’s not perfect and has, as he said, succumbed to darkness in the past. But even more so it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe you are weak rather than strong you will not be able to fight back. But if he believes in himself the same way and it does you can defeat this correction. It will be difficult battle but if anyone can succeed it would be Killian Jones.

Unity in Speech:

in my further thoughts for “The Broken kingdom” I spoke of how for the first time Emma and Killian spoke in abundance about themselves as a unit: “Us,” “you and me,” “Our. “This has continued and in “Birth “this was made even more profound by this type of unity now associated with the word “future.” In “The Broken Kingdom” Killian asked Emma to put her faith in them and “their future together.” This alone was significant but in “Birth” so much of episode centered around their future – so much so that the word itself was used excessively. The house he picks out for them is a promise for the future -a future she does not have to fear. And in that climactic scene when Emma saves him they only speak of “our future.” Killian is resigned and happy that she can have one, thinking only of her, but for Emma there is no future without him. She cannot lose him. This is echoed in Storybrooke in a way that was quite foreshadowing. When she takes him to their house she tells him that it represented their future together and says that “everything I’ve done was to keep that feature of life. “And what she means is that she has been trying to keep him alive. That is because Killian is her future.

I will end with this quote that feels like it was written for this chapter in Emma and Killian’s story. Through the darkness love and light will always shone through. That is what the greatest of stories epitomize. And there is not greater love story than the one between Emma and Swan and Killian Jones.